June 26, 4154 (Reuters, AP, & Al Jazeera Joint Ventures) Winona Lake, Indiana–

The archaeological find of the century was discovered today in Winona Lake, Indiana. Apparently in the early third millenium or late second millenium AD there was a thriving Akkadian culture in Indiana. A cache of pottery sherds, all with the opening two lines of Enuma Elish were uncovered. Archaeologists from Indiana University assert that this is finally the definitive proof that an enclave of people devoted to ancient Near East studies lived in Winona Lake, while archaeologists from Tell Aviv University and the University of Copenhagen state that there never was a group of ANE devotees in the third millenium. Instead, ANE studies flourished in the mid fourth millenium and this interest was retrojected back onto the early third millenium in order to give fourth millenium scholars more prestige.
Since a team of archaeologists from Uganda discovered the find, the pottery sherds will be housed in the National Museum of Uganda over the objections of the United States State Department. The U.S. President said that she was amazed by this brazen “state-sponsored act of looting” undertaken by the Ugandan government. She stated further that the Ugandan government has weeks and not months to return the objects to the care of the U.S. government. Furthermore, the Ugandan government turned down a reported $1.7 billion dollar offer from the J.P. Getty Museum for the sherds as they are trying to rebuild their holdings after a collection of iPods were shown to be forgeries.